Holy Crow!

I gotta start watching Kimmel. First the great Bourne video and now this. I mean, I really only think of him from "The Man Show" and that ain't sayin much.

Lemon Party: Don't Ever Fucking Say That To Me Again

Um, don't know what a lemon party is? Once you Google it, you may be scarred for life. I'm sorry that I even know. Now I'm spreading the disease. Don't you love me?

Geek This, Bitches!

I know this is supposed to be the so-called "Year of the Geek" but give me an effing break. I just married a gamer. Every year is the year of the geek as far as I'm concerned. To be honest, I had pretty low expectations for this show. Why? Can't tell. Maybe it was that show-killer Sarah Lancaster (not her fault all her shows get cancelled but why invest in another one, really?). But within the first five minutes it had an insane fight straight out of Alias and some pretty funny riffing with Chuck and his short friend, including a nice shout-out to the Prince "Batman" soundtrack. Take me back to 1989! I don't want to say a lot about "Chuck" because I feel like it's one of those "you had to see it" kinds of shows. Chris and I loved it (and it even made him turn off Anarchy Online for a whole 45 minutes!).

Now With Superpowered Lameness!

After watching the pilot for this show, I tried to do a little projecting. What if I had a horrendous car accident and woke up to my boyfriend telling me I almost died. Not only that but I did lose both legs and an arm. Further, they have used cyber-future-improbable technology on me and now I have superpowered limbs that look just like the ones I lost. What would I think? Here's my conclusion: Fuck! Yeah! Not only did I live but now I'm bionic?? Superbitchin'!

And yet in the show that whiny bitch screams and cries and blames everyone and runs around until the lameness ends. I know that this show is insanely hyped and you'll probably check it out. I am begging you not to waste your time. I know that pilots are all about establishing mythology so there's a lot to cram in but the only thing remotely nice I can say about it is that is has hot Katee Sackoff (Starbuck from "Battlestar Galactica") as the original bionic woman, and man, is she effing pissed off. But really, she can't save this show. And NBC has really shown its desperation for this show by hiring Isaiah Washington for a coming five-episode stint but isn't it obvious that it's just a PR ploy for a show that has no legs on its own? Let's just hope some bionic gay man shows up to kick Isaiah's ass and then the show is cancelled. Seriously, I am telling you all this as a public service to save you an hour of your life.

OMG Times Infinity!!

I had this whole venomous thing about the CW network last year being that they cancelled "Veronica Mars" without even really cancelling it. They just let it die. I hate them. But I figure if Kristen Bell can put aside any network-related acrimony to lend her vocal snarkiness to this show then it's probably worth at least one viewing. "Gossip Girl" cemented itself as my new guilty pleasure (RIP O.C., I love you always and forever) after the first half hour. The KB voice overs are the cat's meow, the fashion is insane (cannot even tell you how much I loved at least two of Serena's outfits which probably cost more than my annual salary) and the music is undeniable. When Gossip Girl said "... and you know I love a party" I just about jumped off my couch. I guarantee this is going to be way better than that tired Sex and the City movie they are making. It's rerunning on Sunday afternoon (at least here in PDX, dunno about your CW setup) so please check it out and remember that they don't call 'em guilty pleasures for nothing.

First 20 Minutes: "Dawn of the Dead"

The other day I was home for a few minutes on a short break from work. I was updating my iPod so I flipped on the TV and "Dawn of the Dead" was just starting. Score! Seriously, this movie has the most immensely good first 20 minutes that it makes the movie twice as awesome as it would have been otherwise. There's that sort of ominous feeling, the weird patients coming into the hospital, the emergency broadcast in the background during the steamy shower scene and... wham! The creepy infected neighbor kid bites the husband there's screaming and car crashes and ultimate mayhem.

Then the opening credits with Johnny Cash's "The Man Comes Around" over all those clips of society totally dissolving. I don't even really believe in God but that song sure as fuck makes me scared about Judgement Day. So in honor of this wonderful 20 minutes (which made me super late coming back from break but so worth it) I give you a list.

My Top 8 favorite zombie movies (no order):

28 Days Later: Mmm, Cillian Murphy and Christopher Eccleston. Delicious...

Dead Alive: Zany, dirty, hilarious. I triple loved his scheming, crazy uncle.

Evil Dead 1 & 2: Should be counted as one movie, I suppose, but I love the fact that Raimi and Campbell essentially made the same movie twice but on the second go-around they turned everything up to 11.

Shaun of the Dead: Please, like I even need to say why. And while we're at it, have you seen Hot Fuzz yet?

Slither: An absolute must-see. Nathan Fillion and utter hilarity. I thought it would suck but it was so good I bet I've seen it three times in the past year. At least.

Dawn of the Dead: For aforementioned reasons.

Night of the Living Dead: Original. Always Champion.


Funny zombie image source

That's Not How Gay Works

Very very funny video from The Daily Show. I don't watch it that much. I'm not sure why since 11 pm is prime TV time for me but that's just how it is I guess. This clip does a great mash-up of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" and the superstraight Senator Larry Craig. He just has a wide stance, y'all!!

Saturday Night Posting

So I have a few blogs that I just check periodically to see wazzup and Que Sera Sera is one of them. I think I found it because of McSweeney's lists or something. I've mentioned it before. Sometimes she'll write something that really rings my bell. Today I went a little into the archive on the site when I found this great bit:


"I spent a good part of my afternoon blasting The Ramones and chewing my bottom lip and writing “You are so full of shit” over and over to myself on my notepad. I vividly recall fifteen years ago (FIFTEEN YEARS AGO, half my life ago), Sharpie-ing black the pink cover of my Mead spiral notebook while blasting “Never Let Me Down Again.” My thoughts, they were too serious to live inside such a happily-colored spiral. I was Making A Statement. Couldn’t you just die.

"At least I’m in the right frame of mind for what I’m working on. One thing Cringe has taught me is that I have zero patience for teenagers. I always thought I’d be one of those cool adults who Understood and Listened, but now I realize that I’m like, Yes, life is hard, but you are not the first person to ever have a thought and right now your skin is so supple so shut the fuck up. Go draw on your notebook. Please, go form your personality somewhere far away from me. I should totally have kids."


I just felt like that thought came straight out of my head, complete with adoration for Depeche Mode. Sometimes I love it when I find a piece of writing that could be mine and then I think, damn, why didn't I write that?

What Could Be Nicer Than That?

A lovely two minutes with Michael Cera and Jason Bateman talking about the new movie that they are both in, just not together. I did the brackets over at EW.com and it said my favorite Emmy-winning comedy was "Arrested Development" Sigh.

Just. Wow.

Want a look at where a portion of the $9.99 I spent on iTunes today is going? Check out the strangest pop art pimp pad I have seen in a long time.

Control is Coming

So the real reason that I have allowed myself to get excited about the new Joy Division bio movie "Control" is Anton Corbijn. At first I was just kind of excited because his aesthetic seems complementary to the music. I also worship him with the part of me that will always be 14-years-old because of the glut of Depeche Mode videos he did in the 80s/early 90s and the feature of "101". Then the other day Chris is showing me the video for Joy Division's "Atmosphere" and I realized, superduh, this is the same director. Now: triple excited.

Here are some stills from the upcoming movie. Keep it at the front of your mind. It's coming soon.

Dig It!

Ooh! I wish I had one of these. Oh. I mean, wait...

A Rickman Bedtime Story

I totally adore Alan Rickman and find him a strange sort of sexy. Especially (oddly) in "Die Hard" when he's all "I could talk industrialization and men's fashion all day but..." This video, however, only kind of made me feel strangely dirty after watching it, like accidentally seeing porn on cable when you're not expecting it. Rickman: sexier in my head?

It's Like A Jacuzzi With Really High Walls

So I'm a week behind but I just saw the insanely perfect Flight of the Conchords season finale. And while the Footloose dancing was mighty fresh, I think the addition of Demetri Martin to the mix made me tingle in a special new way. His jokes are dry as a zwieback but that's just the way I like it. Netflix has got his great Comedy Central special "Demetri Martin. Person." which I may yet get just to see it again. V v good.

LOLKnotts

With thanks to my friend Greg, whose LOLKnotts almost gave me a hernia from insane, hysterical laughter.