Now With Superpowered Lameness!

After watching the pilot for this show, I tried to do a little projecting. What if I had a horrendous car accident and woke up to my boyfriend telling me I almost died. Not only that but I did lose both legs and an arm. Further, they have used cyber-future-improbable technology on me and now I have superpowered limbs that look just like the ones I lost. What would I think? Here's my conclusion: Fuck! Yeah! Not only did I live but now I'm bionic?? Superbitchin'!

And yet in the show that whiny bitch screams and cries and blames everyone and runs around until the lameness ends. I know that this show is insanely hyped and you'll probably check it out. I am begging you not to waste your time. I know that pilots are all about establishing mythology so there's a lot to cram in but the only thing remotely nice I can say about it is that is has hot Katee Sackoff (Starbuck from "Battlestar Galactica") as the original bionic woman, and man, is she effing pissed off. But really, she can't save this show. And NBC has really shown its desperation for this show by hiring Isaiah Washington for a coming five-episode stint but isn't it obvious that it's just a PR ploy for a show that has no legs on its own? Let's just hope some bionic gay man shows up to kick Isaiah's ass and then the show is cancelled. Seriously, I am telling you all this as a public service to save you an hour of your life.