He Was In Zorro the Gay Blade

Drunken humor + Michael Cera(awesome American History)= Everyone wins!

To Make Up For My Absence...

May I proudly present... Menomena.
So it turns out these guys are from Portland but I only found that out after I loved them and it just made me triple love them. Like, where have you been all my life?

"Evil Bee"
Such an amazing video. It makes me want to cry like at the end of "Atonement".


"Wet and Rusting"
Seriously, how can these little French dancing kids not warm your heart?


And just because...

Sensual Seduction

Owing to my nutso job I barely post here but this video was so fucking hot that I could barely contain my Snoop love.

What Happened To Your Queer Party Friends?

How much do I love Simon Rex now?? There are so many moments here that make me wanna stand up and shout. Rollerskating Cocaine Snort? Subversive genius.

Drunken Orson Welles

Because even if your life is slightly off the rails, watching a wasted Orson Welles shoot a champagne commercial can make it all hurt a little less.

Spider-Man Tres, Amigo

Spider-Man 3: How It Should Have Ended
I've been pretty vocal about my hatred for Spidey 3. That movie was heinous. I felt like I had just watched 2 hours of cardboard cutouts move in front of a green screen overdubbed with dialogue cut from the first two (vastly superior) movies. This video was immensely more enjoyable than any 6 minutes of that which it mocks. The "Topher Grace" voice is frickin' genius and a special OMG Award for the quick glimpse of my man Ash in the last 10 seconds.

Fred Armisen Rocks

I watched SNL this weekend because this is the first time in maybe ten years that I think their comics may actually be sick gifted. As always, the show is hit and miss but I had another reason for not enjoying it as much this week. The sound mixing on it was so bad that I could really only hear one thing in the mix. On this it was Andy Samberg's singing and pretty much nothing else. I tell ya, it's way funnier when I can really hear what's going on. But that Fred Armisen as Ahmadinejad is wicked funny no matter what the crappy sound mix.

True Love: Must Watch.

I am not ashamed to say it (mostly because I am a notorious TV Weepie) but Aliens in America totally made me cry. I just couldn't get over how completely sincere it was and maybe it's because I had a horribly awkward adolescence but my heart was aching through the entire show. I'm thinking it's sorta Freaks and Geeks x Globally Topical + Even Stevens in some weird way. Please please watch. You know it's better than Big Bang Theory and you're already DVRing Chuck anyway.


Please tell me you watched Reaper. Really surprised me how much I liked it and I am very excited for another. And Ray Wise? So much better than I was expecting, and my expectations were really high. I think he's actually underplaying it a bit (hard to believe) but it is completely to the benefit of the show.

Holy Crow!

I gotta start watching Kimmel. First the great Bourne video and now this. I mean, I really only think of him from "The Man Show" and that ain't sayin much.

Lemon Party: Don't Ever Fucking Say That To Me Again

Um, don't know what a lemon party is? Once you Google it, you may be scarred for life. I'm sorry that I even know. Now I'm spreading the disease. Don't you love me?

Geek This, Bitches!

I know this is supposed to be the so-called "Year of the Geek" but give me an effing break. I just married a gamer. Every year is the year of the geek as far as I'm concerned. To be honest, I had pretty low expectations for this show. Why? Can't tell. Maybe it was that show-killer Sarah Lancaster (not her fault all her shows get cancelled but why invest in another one, really?). But within the first five minutes it had an insane fight straight out of Alias and some pretty funny riffing with Chuck and his short friend, including a nice shout-out to the Prince "Batman" soundtrack. Take me back to 1989! I don't want to say a lot about "Chuck" because I feel like it's one of those "you had to see it" kinds of shows. Chris and I loved it (and it even made him turn off Anarchy Online for a whole 45 minutes!).

Now With Superpowered Lameness!

After watching the pilot for this show, I tried to do a little projecting. What if I had a horrendous car accident and woke up to my boyfriend telling me I almost died. Not only that but I did lose both legs and an arm. Further, they have used cyber-future-improbable technology on me and now I have superpowered limbs that look just like the ones I lost. What would I think? Here's my conclusion: Fuck! Yeah! Not only did I live but now I'm bionic?? Superbitchin'!

And yet in the show that whiny bitch screams and cries and blames everyone and runs around until the lameness ends. I know that this show is insanely hyped and you'll probably check it out. I am begging you not to waste your time. I know that pilots are all about establishing mythology so there's a lot to cram in but the only thing remotely nice I can say about it is that is has hot Katee Sackoff (Starbuck from "Battlestar Galactica") as the original bionic woman, and man, is she effing pissed off. But really, she can't save this show. And NBC has really shown its desperation for this show by hiring Isaiah Washington for a coming five-episode stint but isn't it obvious that it's just a PR ploy for a show that has no legs on its own? Let's just hope some bionic gay man shows up to kick Isaiah's ass and then the show is cancelled. Seriously, I am telling you all this as a public service to save you an hour of your life.

OMG Times Infinity!!

I had this whole venomous thing about the CW network last year being that they cancelled "Veronica Mars" without even really cancelling it. They just let it die. I hate them. But I figure if Kristen Bell can put aside any network-related acrimony to lend her vocal snarkiness to this show then it's probably worth at least one viewing. "Gossip Girl" cemented itself as my new guilty pleasure (RIP O.C., I love you always and forever) after the first half hour. The KB voice overs are the cat's meow, the fashion is insane (cannot even tell you how much I loved at least two of Serena's outfits which probably cost more than my annual salary) and the music is undeniable. When Gossip Girl said "... and you know I love a party" I just about jumped off my couch. I guarantee this is going to be way better than that tired Sex and the City movie they are making. It's rerunning on Sunday afternoon (at least here in PDX, dunno about your CW setup) so please check it out and remember that they don't call 'em guilty pleasures for nothing.

First 20 Minutes: "Dawn of the Dead"

The other day I was home for a few minutes on a short break from work. I was updating my iPod so I flipped on the TV and "Dawn of the Dead" was just starting. Score! Seriously, this movie has the most immensely good first 20 minutes that it makes the movie twice as awesome as it would have been otherwise. There's that sort of ominous feeling, the weird patients coming into the hospital, the emergency broadcast in the background during the steamy shower scene and... wham! The creepy infected neighbor kid bites the husband there's screaming and car crashes and ultimate mayhem.

Then the opening credits with Johnny Cash's "The Man Comes Around" over all those clips of society totally dissolving. I don't even really believe in God but that song sure as fuck makes me scared about Judgement Day. So in honor of this wonderful 20 minutes (which made me super late coming back from break but so worth it) I give you a list.

My Top 8 favorite zombie movies (no order):

28 Days Later: Mmm, Cillian Murphy and Christopher Eccleston. Delicious...

Dead Alive: Zany, dirty, hilarious. I triple loved his scheming, crazy uncle.

Evil Dead 1 & 2: Should be counted as one movie, I suppose, but I love the fact that Raimi and Campbell essentially made the same movie twice but on the second go-around they turned everything up to 11.

Shaun of the Dead: Please, like I even need to say why. And while we're at it, have you seen Hot Fuzz yet?

Slither: An absolute must-see. Nathan Fillion and utter hilarity. I thought it would suck but it was so good I bet I've seen it three times in the past year. At least.

Dawn of the Dead: For aforementioned reasons.

Night of the Living Dead: Original. Always Champion.


Funny zombie image source

That's Not How Gay Works

Very very funny video from The Daily Show. I don't watch it that much. I'm not sure why since 11 pm is prime TV time for me but that's just how it is I guess. This clip does a great mash-up of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" and the superstraight Senator Larry Craig. He just has a wide stance, y'all!!

Saturday Night Posting

So I have a few blogs that I just check periodically to see wazzup and Que Sera Sera is one of them. I think I found it because of McSweeney's lists or something. I've mentioned it before. Sometimes she'll write something that really rings my bell. Today I went a little into the archive on the site when I found this great bit:


"I spent a good part of my afternoon blasting The Ramones and chewing my bottom lip and writing “You are so full of shit” over and over to myself on my notepad. I vividly recall fifteen years ago (FIFTEEN YEARS AGO, half my life ago), Sharpie-ing black the pink cover of my Mead spiral notebook while blasting “Never Let Me Down Again.” My thoughts, they were too serious to live inside such a happily-colored spiral. I was Making A Statement. Couldn’t you just die.

"At least I’m in the right frame of mind for what I’m working on. One thing Cringe has taught me is that I have zero patience for teenagers. I always thought I’d be one of those cool adults who Understood and Listened, but now I realize that I’m like, Yes, life is hard, but you are not the first person to ever have a thought and right now your skin is so supple so shut the fuck up. Go draw on your notebook. Please, go form your personality somewhere far away from me. I should totally have kids."


I just felt like that thought came straight out of my head, complete with adoration for Depeche Mode. Sometimes I love it when I find a piece of writing that could be mine and then I think, damn, why didn't I write that?

What Could Be Nicer Than That?

A lovely two minutes with Michael Cera and Jason Bateman talking about the new movie that they are both in, just not together. I did the brackets over at EW.com and it said my favorite Emmy-winning comedy was "Arrested Development" Sigh.

Just. Wow.

Want a look at where a portion of the $9.99 I spent on iTunes today is going? Check out the strangest pop art pimp pad I have seen in a long time.

Control is Coming

So the real reason that I have allowed myself to get excited about the new Joy Division bio movie "Control" is Anton Corbijn. At first I was just kind of excited because his aesthetic seems complementary to the music. I also worship him with the part of me that will always be 14-years-old because of the glut of Depeche Mode videos he did in the 80s/early 90s and the feature of "101". Then the other day Chris is showing me the video for Joy Division's "Atmosphere" and I realized, superduh, this is the same director. Now: triple excited.

Here are some stills from the upcoming movie. Keep it at the front of your mind. It's coming soon.

Dig It!

Ooh! I wish I had one of these. Oh. I mean, wait...

A Rickman Bedtime Story

I totally adore Alan Rickman and find him a strange sort of sexy. Especially (oddly) in "Die Hard" when he's all "I could talk industrialization and men's fashion all day but..." This video, however, only kind of made me feel strangely dirty after watching it, like accidentally seeing porn on cable when you're not expecting it. Rickman: sexier in my head?

It's Like A Jacuzzi With Really High Walls

So I'm a week behind but I just saw the insanely perfect Flight of the Conchords season finale. And while the Footloose dancing was mighty fresh, I think the addition of Demetri Martin to the mix made me tingle in a special new way. His jokes are dry as a zwieback but that's just the way I like it. Netflix has got his great Comedy Central special "Demetri Martin. Person." which I may yet get just to see it again. V v good.

LOLKnotts

With thanks to my friend Greg, whose LOLKnotts almost gave me a hernia from insane, hysterical laughter.

Puppetmaster Indeed

So I was on my honeymoon and my sweetie and I stayed with various relatives on this trip. At one stop, we stayed with my aunt and uncle who have two boys, ages 5 yrs and 15 months. The TV was running some mind-numbing Nick Jr but when Yo Gabba Gabba started up, the hubby and I were transfixed. This show is freaking insane. Like, TV for acidheads, really. It made me slightly nostalgic for my heady early 20s but only for a split second. And then came Frodo. Doing the Puppetmaster. And seriously, if I show this to my hypothetical future children, I might end up feeling like a bit of an enabler for when they become obsessed with taking mushrooms in their teens. Cause and effect, people. Cause and effect.

Fuckin' Shia, Again?!?

Okay, this is mostly for Nicci who loves the Shia. I love a little Shia now and again myself but I forgot to post this earlier mostly for her. Lots of pics of the boy acting like a normal guy and sometimes hanging with his cutie (now ex-) girlfriend. Delicious.

Chiru!

As good as Phillipino prisoners and in its own mind-bending way.

man nobody wanna eat diz old grama but i luv this song lol

First, the post title comes from an actual comment about this vid on YouTube. LOL is right. This is just so so so so so so wrong that I can only watch about the first 45 seconds but that feels like it's enough. That Helen Mirren, she is a sexy bitch. I hope I'm still lookin' that hot in 20 years+.

Buffalo v Lions v Crocodile

Long but totally worth it. Kinda makes me want to go on a safari but then I remember when I was a kid and we went to that animal reserve where you can drive through and I almost pissed when I saw something totally benign like a llama. Scary isn't really for me.

Style Points For Stereotyping

As an artist, I love looking at other people's totally different work and trying to figure out ways to creatively steal from them. No lie. I mean, most often if you've done some work before your work ends up looking like your own no matter what but I'm not sure I can steal from this guy. First of all, bending wire, it's a lot harder than it looks. Plus, there's a certain amount of wit to what is going on over at Bent Objects and I'm not sure I've got it. Ah well, c'est la vie. I think I already found someone else to steal from next anyway.

Don't Forget Your Towel

Want an interesting double feature? How about a Mos Def themed one: "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (augmented by lovely Martin Freeman) and "16 Blocks". Mos Def is an interesting guy and I super dig his movie choices. Is there really any doubt that "Be Kind, Rewind" will be brutally good?

Totally Effed Up

Okay, I don't even have a photo for this one. I can't figure out how to embed from Funny or Die either. Let me just say, if you go to this link you will see a puppet dance that had me mesmerized, nauseated and somewhat hysterical simultaneously. It's not until one of the puppets "sings" its own solo that I understood what a singular piece of zaniness/insanity this is.

Still Feeling The Finale Love

Yes, I am still vibrating from that awsome Lost finale and I know that it was months ago. I also desperately miss the Lost podcast with Damon and Carlton (henceforth only known as "Darlton"). So I had aspired to watch the first three seasons in order before the new one starts in February but barring any bedrest, I can't see that happening. Too much good junk on the DVR. So there's this great video that's been out for some time that edits all this dispirate footage together and puts the crash in order. Very fun. But Darlton: Will we be hearing more about Locke's brother? (ha ha for me only)

Not Dick Casablancas But Great Nonetheless

I miss Veronica Mars already. I think it's because the last season kind of blew and I feel like I haven't really felt the love since the end of season two. One redeeming factor in S3 was Ryan Hansen as Dick Casablancas (and whenever Mr. Casablancas the dad showed up it was super extra awesome). Dick was always so funny and they consistently gave him the best material. Well, until the last season when everyone suddenly sounded like Veronica. That was dumb. So here's a little old-school Ryan Hansen from "That's So Raven" in a faux boy-band. I've had this bookmarked for ages. Please to enjoy.

I Know It Makes Me A Total Asshole

... but I find a lot of LOLCats insanely funny. Maybe it's because I have about 1500 pictures of the back of my cat's head because he's turned away just as I am taking the picture. But I laughed so hard at this page that I cried.

Wait, I missed "Beerfest" for this?? Dammit!

Okay, stop whatever it is you're doing right now and go over to your TV. I want you to set your TiVo or your DVR (or your frickin VCR, but please join us on the other side of Y2K now) and set it to record "Mad Men". I'm telling you, this show is sick good. Smart, smooth dialogue. A slick opening credits sequence that I am planning to rip-off immediately. Insanely meticulous period clothing. I swear to god, when I watch it, I AM in 1960. And I am a huge (sadly huge) fan of "Angel" and didn't even recognize his snot-faced whiny kid Connor is one of the leads on that show. Thursdays at 10 on AMC. You have to watch it just one time and then if you don't like it, I owe you an hour back.

WTF Matt Damon Is Funny?

So there's apparently a long-running gag on Jimmy Kimmel about bumping Matt Damon from the end of the show. Wiki has a little piece about it here. I don't even know who the eff Guillermo is but this shit is stone cold funny.

Harry Potter In The Hood

Yeah, I've got wicked Harry Potter burnout. It was somewhat inevitable but I think the last straw was last week's EW with "36 Pages of Pottermania!!" But I would be a jerk if I didn't show you this video. Waterskiing with Hagrid! It's worth three minutes of your time, promise.

Like, Remember, Blade Trinity?

I love Ryan Reynolds so much, but every time he tries to do serious it just makes me giggle. What does that mean? Okay, that said this movie looks worth seeing just because it's so different. (Still giggling, though.)

OMIGODOMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD

Okay, this is without a doubt the best thing you are going to see all day. A prisonyard full of Phillipino convicts who have improbably learned the coreography for Michael Jackson's "Thriller". I'm telling you now: I am going to devote myself to learning this dance before I die. I don't care what it takes.

And a little off the subject: Are you watching Psych on USA? It is so good, so so funny. By far the best show we watched last week and that's saying something when it gets measured beside the new Doctor Who episodes. Friday nights rock!

Internet Therapy

I don't know why but just looking at pictures of idiot drivers on a website called You Park Like An Asshole makes me feel instantly better.

Father's Day Of The Future

Yes, I subscribe to US Weekly but no, it is not the only thing I read. But it's the US Weekly reader in me that loves this video. Maybe because they did such funny things with Suri and I can't help but love that kid. Funny funny.

1. Fuck 2. Yeah

I love it when you start wandering around through different sites on the internet and then one just leads to another and another down the rabbit hole. I recently found a ton of stuff I love just by doing that. Here's a good one: Que Sera Sera. When you go to the site now you can see "Text Messages Saved in My Phone, Vol. 6". Some of my favorites:

I am at a party and this dude named Tom is really into me. 2 yrs ago he added an H so now he is Thom. Is this what I deserve? Are you there god it’s me.

Oh fuck a party! It’s sweats and pizza nite.

Your friend is here! I haven’t cussed her out. Yet. (note: this was from me, to my mom)


and a link over to McSweeney's Lists (more on those later) yielded one of her funny contributions:

B A B Y N A M E S F O R
A N E X P E C T E D S I S T E R
S U G G E S T E D B Y
N A T H A N I E L W A T S O N ,
A G E S I X .

BY SARAH BROWN

- - - -

Pancake*
Hambone*
Skeleton*
Total Annihilation
Toto
Jimmy II
Anna
Hannah

* Name suggested earlier for Watson's brother Jimmy, twenty-one-months old.


You have to dig around a little on the site to get more material but fun if you have a little time to kill.

I'm McLovin It!

Like I have to tell you to go see Superbad. I know you are totally planning on it anyway.

More Cautionary Driving Tales

Another reason not to mix cocaine and automotive hijinks.

Mr. Darcy... Sigh.

At the risk of exposing my inner chick-flick watcher, I have to say that Pride and Prejudice is one of those movies I could watch a hundred times. Occasionally, HBO will start running it a bunch and Chris will just walk around the house going "Mr. Darcy!" in this ridiculous affected British accent and I feel like a horse's ass but I cannot get over this movie.

I didn't even really like Keira Knightley before I saw it. And looking at photos of Matthew McFayden that are not from the movie leaves me pretty cold. But those two as Darcy and Elizabeth... holy sexual chemistry! I think it's the way they have both managed to master the smoldering look. I still get goosebumps when Darcy walks towards her at the end and he's coming out of the morning fog and they just hold that shot forever. Can. Hardly. Breathe.

And a little aside gem (just because I am so ready for Pottermania) where somebody cut together clips of HP films and overdubbed it with the P&P trailer. I do not have the skills or the patience to do this but enjoy it all the same.

Beard Bonus: Chiwetel Edition

I adore Chiwetel Ejifor and I know you do too. He narrowly missed my Freebie Five but only because I couldn't find any really good pictures of him bearded. And would you know it, but Entertainment Weekly saw fit to publish this deliciousness when they did their newest Must List edition. I knew there was a reason I keep subscribing.

Awesome Chiwetel movies (no order):
Serenity
Children of Men
Love Actually
Tsunami: The Aftermath
Inside Man

Not Your Run-Of-The-Mill McMansion

Recently my dad made some offhand comment about how he likes to watch "Pimp My Ride" sometimes. I guess it's not really all that shocking but just the idea of my dad intentionally tuning into MTV to watch a show was about as improbable as me doing the same thing.

Let's just say it: MTV blows. We all know it and I am severely uninterested in watching tripe like "My Super Sweet 16" or "Cribs". Yet, one of my favorite directors has gone and done a sparkly "Cribs" spoof that is more enjoyable than any episode I have ever had the displeasure of watching. Michel Gondry can be counted on to make something decidedly different. Did you see The Science of Sleep? Not quite as mainstream as Eternal Sunshine but that extra freedom gave him a chance to really show his colors. So good. Please rent if you have not seen it yet.

Enjoy Gondry's Crib

Or Am I Just Tired?

Insanely insanely insanely good.

Now You Be A Good Frog And I'll Be A Good Person

The other night Chris turned on a movie on HBO that I would never watch on my own called "Drakmar: A Vassal's Journey." I was like, why did they make a movie about this kid's life? He's like a dozen geeks I used to know in school. It's about this 14-year-old kid named Colin who's kind of a social outcast who loves role-playing games and is heavily involved in this medieval ages group with his own master knight. Woah. We're not really ones to judge being that Chris is a D and D kid going way back and still even today.

But then the movie started to change a bit and opened up like a flower to show all these other things inside. And I realized that it's perfect to make a movie about this kid because he is so universal and his emotions tap into this deeper place where we put all the things that made us uncomfortable or unhappy about being a kid.

So if you get a chance, check it out. And super duper awesome bonus of amazing Greg Laswell song over end credits that completely has me obsessed. You're linked here to a trailer for all the movies from the same people who brought you Drakmar with a few moments from it at the end. I thought it was kind of fun and random all on its own.

Binary Solo

I am so so so tired but I just wanna stay up and watch Bret and Jemaine rock the stage. They are my super secret comedy folk rock husbands.

OMG Shia Again

Every time I have a tingly thought about Shia I feel like a child molester. Did you know he's like the same age as the Olsen twins? Feel old yet?

I loved this clip of Shia on Leno the other night. Cracking up Terry Bradshaw, swilling from the flask, them slick slacks. Give him a few minutes of your time. Shia is wicked undeniable.

Live Free Or Die Hard Or Maybe Let's Just Order Takeout Or Something You Decide

Die Hard is my Christmas movie. I have seen all three dozens and dozens of times. I'm a little stoked about the new one but honestly it might be more because of Justin Long who I have loved since Ed. Oh, Ed. So now there is a very enjoyable video by some band called Guyz Nite (song infinitely more fun than band name). Bonus! Since the video is just clips of the four movies, now I'm all set and don't have to see 2 or 3 again for awhile. (Hey, I just figured out how to imbed a video!)

A Did Not, However, Watch Can't Buy Me Love

This weekend I was lazy and half asleep late Saturday afternoon and I ended up watching his movie. Damn Seth Green! He renders me powerless!! But how about a little Nerf or Nothing?

She Lives!

It's a good thing those guys over at Scrubs figured out a way to keep Aloma Wright employed even though they killed off her character, Nurse Roberts, because girlfriend sounded a tad bitter about it on the podcast. She seems like a lady you don't wanna piss off. But seriously, did Laverne's twin sister have to be named Shirley? Except that might have the makings of a nice Leslie Neilsen cameo. A girl can dream.

Hollywood Ebola

Hooray for my favorite celeb rag US Weekly for taking a break from all the Paris Hilton coverage, cause that skank is like a virus that cannot be killed. Last night my recording of The Soup was interruped with LIVE NEWS BREAKS talking about her jail release. Holy fucking stroke. I think I just had a minor rage blackout. Not that I can't watch Joel McHale another time but really, WTF?
Here's the rest of this funny comic.

A Surreal "What If?"

Oh, this photo is just the tip of the iceberg here. People on this website go crazy with their Photoshop skillz and have put a lot of modern celebrities into ole timey photos. If you wander around the site a bit you can find some really fun and wild stuff. Or just kill some time.

Okay So Now That That's Finally Over

Okay, confession time. I am totally uninterested in The Sopranos. I know, it's one of those things so many people find to be genius that by not "getting it", I may be setting myself up for some scorn. It's not that I was offended by it so much as just plain bored.

Nonetheless, I enjoy the whole experince of a series finale. I liked the way The Sopranos ended, but then again I'm one of those folks who is perfectly satisfied with the little bits of info that are reluctantly given on Lost. A little seems to go a long way. I do love how people have gotten so fired up about The Sopranos finale and inspired to do some of their own takes on it. Part One: Max Silvestri has put together an alternate ending video that sent me to the next level of hysteria at about 00:27 on the clock. Very enjoyable. Part Two: A Harry Potter Sopranos Ending. It's only moderate witty and a little long but I'm so psyched about all the Potter coming up that I loved the tie in.

The Other George Michael

I am a huge personal fan of the cardigan. It's an awesome sweater and I have owned dozens over the years. I'll bet I have at least 10 in my closet right now. I don't so much love the man cardigan as much as I always look for a viable excuse to post a picture of Michael Cera (and this is an appropriately random one, eh?). Fuck, I miss Arrested Development. So here's a funny man cardigan gallery and here's that great "outtake" from Knocked Up of Cera going all David O. Russell.

God, The Accidental Tourist Was Boring

But really, I just can't hold that against William Hurt. I get so used to seeing him play it understated and then he does a movie that's so mind-boggling that I can hardly breathe. I don't know how he did it, but I think he may have stolen A History of Violence from Viggo. How does that happen?!? Okay, so I hear he's gonna be in the new Hulk movie and I actually had a little moment of excitement for that movie. I am wrong here?

Lessons Learned At The Junior Rose Festival Parade

Don't Drive High and Don't Drive Old

The Perils Of iTunes

Chris tells me he heard this band on iTunes. My expectations are so-so at best. However, I must frequently give props to the man for figuring out something I'd like. Besides, it was recommended BY THE COMPUTER. How can one resist?

And as often happens on iTunes I get to sample all the goodies before I buy. How much do you love this, by the way? I know it seems like I am a moderate technotard here, but I'm still remembering trips to the mall Sam Goody for cassingles, ya know? So this band is called Rogue Wave and I pluck around a little and end up buying their most recent album.

Then I wear a digital groove in the motherfucker. No joke. One feature of iTunes that shames me is Play Count. Okay, after I update the pod and now it's telling me I've listened to Manna more than 25 times? Since I bought it last week?? I mean, I know that repetition and predictability soothe me but this is frickin' ridiculous. And the sort of crazy thing? It's not even totally knock-your-socks-off. They sound a bit like The Shins I guess but with their own thing going on. But OK Computer, this ain't. But now I might be underselling it. Ugh.

So maybe that says something about me. I am a pretty laid-back indie low-key music lover (but even that doesn't really cover it, but I'm sure that's just the same for you too). This fits my natural groove and now I've bought all the stuff they've got available. And so while it may not be the thing that will ring everybody's bells, it is so a part of my psyche right now that I am urging you to think about it next time you're staring at the iTunes window and thinking about how there isn't anything new to listen to. Please. I swear there might even be a song you recognize. Or one you end up listening to on an endless loop. That too.

Say Hi To Your Mom For Me

Funny Biff timeline, huh? Ah, the conundrum of time travel. Anyway, something even funnier than this image (much funnier) is Tom Wilson, ol' Biff himself, singing a little ditty over at Funny or Die. Now, make like a tree and get out of here.

I Love Funny T-Shirts

I look at hundreds of shirts online just because I can't resist a great t-shirt, but this one is transcending to a new level of genius. There are a lot of good ones on this site so I highly recommend you spend at least a couple minutes here. My second favorite shirt? A peek into my juvenile mind:

Trax

Thom Yorke may be one weird guy, but I love love love Radiohead and Thom's solo album The Eraser was smoking hot. Check out this great song that has Lupe Fiasco, Pharrell and Kanye West sampling from The Eraser. I don't even like hip hop but this is a nice freakin' song.

Sandy Cohen's Gotta Be Pissed

WTF? Do you remember when Seth Cohen had his "drug problem" on The O.C. and it was really that he just smoked a few joints. Okay, he did burn down an office building when he left his joint burning on the edge of a table and then forgot about it and walked away BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT STONERS DO.

Woah, Seth is looking way more fucked up these days. A word from Lainey: "But there is a certain point when it has to stop. Everyone has a line. Your line might be way further out than my line. I’m a shallow petty bitch, my line is probably much too close for to be kind. But I draw the line at this moustache. I draw the line at this relic of 70s nasty ass porn stretched across his clammy face. I draw the line at deliberately looking pervy. And I especially draw the line at looking pervy for what looks like an Eastern Europe Mail Order flavour of the moment."

I can just picture those patented Sandy Cohen eyebrows contorting in consternation. Not just about the drugs but really about the trauma-inducing attempt at facial hair. C'est la vie, Brody. We'll always have reruns.

Code Name: Agent Orange

Look, I'm sure you've all seen this by now. It's totally fucking obscene and makes me realize that I have a better than fighting chance at being a good mom if I just avoid being even remotely like this crazy bitch. The kids over at BWE have hooked us up with a little commentary so I send you safely into their loving arms. And for all the fair-skinned ladies like me out there, I say rock the pale like you mean it!

Freebie Five: Beard Edition!

And while we're on the subject of beards...

My favorite hot girl blogger is Lainey. She posts her ever-rotating Freebie Five and it eventually got me to mull my own over (in no particular order). Is this as much of a Rorshach test as it feels like?


Clive Owen. Baritone deliciousness. Oh, and that filthy mouth in Closer!


Mark Ruffalo. Something about the way he talks and he is good in pretty much everything.


Christopher Eccleston. Okay, this scruff photo is a bit of a cheat but still the one I liked best. Sigh.


Ryan Gosling. Never hotter in The Notebook than when he goes a little nuts and grows a beard. Holy shit.


Nathan Fillion. Oh, Captain Mal, it's too bad they cancel all your shows but I hear you're smoking in Waitress.

An Age Of Beards

When Chris shaved his beard, it was like a Day of Mourning in our house. Fuck, I love a beard. So despite the fact that Foxy's fake Lost finale beard was actually more funny than sexy, it has led to a wonderful Beardtopia. Plus, there's even a freaking Fletch shout-out! Please to enjoy.

Other Awesome Cuts

Do you ever discuss with your significant other the names for your future hypothetical children? Of course you do, everyone does, especially when it becomes clear that you WILL have children together. Chris and I can only agree on a single name: Ash. Yes, from Evil Dead. Fuck, we love some Evil Dead 2. Anyhoo... by extension we love Bruce Campbell. And what insane advertising genius knew that Bruce Campbell would make an awesome Old Spice shill? I wanna shake that dude's hand.


All the hype was about Dick in a Box but I'm telling you Barry Gibb Talk Show makes my day every single time. It almost makes me a fan of the Timberlake. Almost.


And even though we've all seen it by now, it's totally worth mentioning The Landlord. Oh, that Pearl! What a beast! (I couldn't find a photo of her but a nostalgic cowbell photo is always enjoyable).

She's Lost Control

Chris' favorite band of all time is Joy Division. While I adored New Order from the age of about 14 on, I could never really get into Joy Division. I was always listening to Ian Curtis' voice and thinking about how he killed himself and it would lend the whole thing a depressing air that I couldn't find my way past. But as it is when you share your life with another, I have kind of grown to really like Joy Division.

Anton Corbijn made a movie about Joy Division or about Ian Curtis, I can't quite tell. It's apparently got the amazing Samantha Morton in it, which makes it instantly watchable. The thing with this clip is that it totally freaks me out because that guy is like Ian Curtis rose from the freaking grave. Like a movie about Joy Division wouldn't already have enough darkness and creep to begin with. Still, I'm sure I'll end up seeing it no matter what.

Better Late Than Never

First off, I am no fan of Billy Bob Thornton. I find him to be exceedingly creepy and as a rule I don't really try to see his movies. Just my own little hangup. Yet, once again thanks to the power of a bulging cable package, I managed to catch one of his movies by accident.

How come no one told me how wickedly funny the Bad News Bears is?? That shit made me laugh so hard I thought I might burst a blood vessel. That blond kid? So so so hilarious. I don't know if it's one of those movies you can recommend to a lot of people but my god, if you haven't seen this movie yet, you might be retarded.

Phil Spector Is Fucked

Every time I read about his trial I laugh my freaking ass off. That guy is so screwed. He confessed to witnesses! They are allowing many, many women to testify about him threatening them with guns! The chauffeur made the jury laugh with his impersonation of Spector! The fun never ends!!

I am not made of stone. That woman who was killed totally deserves justice. But am I the only one who worries a little that despite all of this he still might walk? SoCal justice for the rich and white is a very strange thing. Still, I think he'd better get ready to get shivved.

I Have No One To Discuss This With

Right now we have Showtime which is not something I would be willing to pay for but Comcast gave us a month free to apologize for being major idiots. I can never retrace how these kinds of things happen but one night recently I watched the second half of an episode of a show that I never meant to watch. I think it was my lasting love for Julie Benz (all those Angel episodes really imprinted her on my psyche) that made me watch but who knows.

Dexter is one of the weirdest things on TV. I wish I had been a fly on the wall at that show pitch. "Um, yeah, it's a show about a serial killer who only murders other serial killers". Oh, and did I mention that Chris HATES stuff about serial killers? Yeah, I watched this by myself.

So I watched the half ep. It was wicked good. And thanks to the On Demand feature (which I worship, praise Jebus) I went back and watched the first two episodes. Then this weekend, I watched the rest. Yes, I sat at home on a beautiful three-day holiday weekend and watched an entire season of a show about a killer. It was awesome but... now I have no one to discuss it with! The finale was so great and all these things tied back into the whole season. At least with the Lost finale I can talk to pretty much anyone I know about it (an OMIGOD how totally mindblowing was that, by the way?) but I must ponder the wonderful creepiness that is Dexter all by my lonesome. Um, if you have Showtime or when it comes out on DVD, please watch it. I must share this with someone!

Rudy! Theo!

I do love me some Bill Cosby. I mean, most people in my age demo grew up watching The Cosby Show so there's a real sentimentality attached to the man. As he gets older, he's really turning into a cantankerous hag but whatev. I guess old people get a free pass to act like assholes or something.

So someone made a cartoon called House of Cosbys wherein a guy makes a cloning machine and produces a bunch of Cosby clones for himself. It's way weirder than it sounds. Of course, cantankerous old man filed a cease and desist so the whole thing stopped but not before four very surreal and hilarious episodes were finished. So click here for all four on YouTube and when you're done watch this weird permutation that they did after the lawsuit which isn't as good but still next-level bizarre.

I Hate Plastic Bags

Okay, the photo does not do it justice. What we have represented here is 60,000 plastic bags, equal to the number used in the US every FIVE SECONDS. It makes me totally ill.

I am a fantastic consumer. Man, I sure take it on as my personal duty to keep the economy rolling with my fair share of shopping and consumption. Nonetheless, I am totally disgusted by the amount of waste we have in this country. I realize that it's completely hypocritical but a conundrum I am willing to face nonetheless.

Here's where I start: No more plastic bags. I refuse. I either bring another shopping bag or I am forced to figure out a way to jam all my purchases down into my purse. Cashiers mostly don't like or don't understand but I could give a rat's ass. When I say no bag, I freakin' mean it!

So the artist who made this photo made a bunch of others commenting on our consumption as a nation. It makes me dizzy every time I go to the website but it also makes me keep that thought at the front of my mind. They are awesome. Check them out.

Sorry About The Blog Silence

So sometimes my mind gets all serious and contemplative. I start thinking about, you know, real stuff. It makes blogging about pop culture sort of hard. I feel ridiculous every time I try to do it. I guess that's what has been going on the last two weeks. It doesn't mean I'm not still reading all the crazy junk on the internets and watching my ridiculously huge TV, it just means I went into blog silence. Today I am going to clean out the blog bookmarks folder. Ready? Here we go.

Rich White Bitchslap

Sometimes two spoiled, disgusting tornadoes run into each other and the effect is so awe-inspiring that I just have to share it with the people that I love. Enjoy!

And In Case You Were Feeling A Little Melancholy

I forgot all about this great video from Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip "Thou Shalt Always Kill" that I saw a couple weeks ago. I'm sure you'll have your own favorite little couplets. A couple of mine:

Thou Shalt Not judge a book by its cover/Thou Shalt Not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover
Thou Shalt Not not liking a band just because they become popular/Thou Shalt Not question Stephen Fry

Elliott Smith's New Moon

Elliott Smith is a very big subject for me. It goes back to 1993 and Heatmiser shows for five bucks at La Luna. And later, when I was about to graduate from high school and this quiet little record called Roman Candle comes out and wallpapers my life. I really think that my love of Elliott Smith runs so deep and is so closely tied to my love of Portland that sometimes I wonder if I can tell the two apart.

After he left Portland, I never loved his LA records. They sounded, I don't know, hollow somehow. It was still him there but like a ghost of him. I would always listen to Figure 8 or From A Basement and try to think hard back to one particular time I saw him live. That magical show at The X-Ray Cafe when I brought my first love who had just broken my heart. Maybe 50 people there, tops, and all siting on the floor, cross-legged. It was like being with our Dalai Lama; we worshipped. He was so quiet and gentle and insanely talented and we just sent love in waves and waves. People left that show dazed.

Today I was having a blue day and I saw the new Elliott record up on iTunes. Lots of old stuff, b-sides and demos, etc. And there it was: Magical Elliott. I could hear that day when he played "Clementine" when I asked and remember what it's like when the music that makes you sad is also the music that has made you the happiest ever.

Plus, the cover art is great.

Happy Weng Weng Day!

Hello. Meet Weng Weng. He is a sort-of Asian Midget James Bond. Sounds impossible, yes. However, this incontrovertable truth is brought to you with rhymes and a kickass backbeat. Happy Tuesday, folks.