Back to Work Haiku

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The Fever's About to Pass

The election's almost done and then maybe I can get back to concentrating on my other internet distractions. Like here.

Little double video clip for Saturday. This weekend's star: Kate Winslet. I love her manically right up there with Rachel Weisz so I got suitably interested after seeing this trailer for her upcoming movie with Ralph Feinnes, The Reader.



Then I remembered how fantastically blue she was on Extras and found this clip. Jump to 3:05 for relevance.



See you crazy kids on the other side of 11/4. No matter how this bitch hammers out, chances of tears on my face about 100%.

My Hero Of The Day

This reporter stares down this pedophile with a conviction I wish I could replicate whenever I see those assholes with aborted fetus photos outside Planned Parenthood. So this is Lesson #1 in How To Win A Staring Contest With A Pedophile Wack-A-Doodle.

So Is He Just Emo or Something?

It's been bugging me for far too long and I'm just gonna say it: Nestor Carbonell needs to lay off the fucking eyeliner. Every time I'm watching him on Lost I want so much to pay as close attention as I can, because we all know that Richard Alpert holds some important keys as to what the fuck is going on? But I can't because I'm just thinking about his guyliner. Look, I know he's dark haired and skinned but that shit is very, very wrong.

Then I see Dark Knight in IMAX for Jebus' sake and it was like the eyeliner was bucking with Heath for Best Supporting Makeup. It's got me wondering whether he's surreptitiously sponsored by a makeup giant. Behold: my Monday masterpiece.

Quit Owning My Heart

Fair statement: Gary Oldman may have been the sexiest man in The Dark Knight.


Exhibit B:


That is all.

Oh Wait, This Is What Happened...

I was looking for Harold Ramis clips on You Tube. Lately Chris has been looking less like Jimmy Fallon and more like Egon Spengler. I kinda like it and I'm generally pro-Ramis but it makes me think about Ghostbusters all the time. So I'd been planning some kind of re=watch because it's one of those things that I gotta see every few years (also: Fletch, Superman, Die Hard at Christmas). Then I watched this trailer and now I feel sated because in 2:12 they manage to hit every major plot point right up to the finale. Score! Maybe I don't have to make it to Flicks on the Bricks after all! I kid. We all know that Annie Potts is the real reason for a re=watch. We got one!!

Know What Useless Piece of Info I Picked Up Today?

The same man who scores for Lost, Michael Giacchino


also did the soundtrack for Ratatouille.


That seemed a little unexpected to me. Granted, I've never seen Ratatouille. I'm sure it's totally fucking adorable. I'm saving all my kid movie patience for when I have a kid. I'm saving up folks! No, I have not seen Wall-E! Plenty of time for that. I've only seen Dark Knight twice so far. They're called priorities, people. Wait, what was I talking about? It's late(-ish, okay it's only 9:45 but) and I'm getting myself confused.

Did I just watch Ghostbusters earlier?

The bottom line is (BLI) that soundtracks totally fucking matter. I am convinced that many of the movies and shows I love are directly affected by the quality of their music. I get shivers from Gaius Baltar and Saul Tigh's themes on Battlestar Galactica. I once worshipped Danny Elfman (yes, it was 1989, please do the age math, I was TWELVE). Note to self: do not mess up when presented with the chance to choose a good score for my life story. In my head.

Oh! And for good measure...

Our Wedding Day: A Photo Essay In 2 Parts

Chris and I are not what you might call traditional. We got married in a kind of unusual way but going through some old photos on my computer, I was reminded how unconventional we must appear sometimes.

Photo 1:
This is Chris on our wedding day. He is wearing a home-made costume for a school final (relating to Gods somehow? This is sort of muddy to me now...) It was August, hence the perspiring. His final was in the evening, after which he rushed home, changed, went to pick up the minister and meet me for our 10 pm wedding.


Photo 2:
The next time I saw him, I was wearing a white dress. Now we share the same last name. Funny how these things happen. Yes, I look possessed here. Unfortunately exuberant joy does not photograph well on me.

Sunday Bits

Cleaning out my old text messages from my phone this morning. Some of my favorites:

Received 6/6/08 5:42 pm:
"What movie was that where she was talking about the babies staring at her?? Anyway I want a baby so bad i feel like they are all staring at me!"

*Side note: After she sent me this, I started noticing the same thing. Babies stare at me. I am not the only one who has noticed. I mean, do women in their 30s give off some kind of maternal pheromone? It is a little freaky.

Received 6/8/08 8:43 am:
(My sister has been getting an increasingly ridiculous series of letters from the DMV)
"Oh this one is great! I need to prove future financial responsibility by getting insurance for the next three years even if I don't have a car. Way to prove future financial responsibility by STEALING MY MONEY!"

Received 7/1/08 9:49 am:
"I know and not to be a bitch but what does that have to do with me tonight?" (followed by smiley face emoticon)

Received 7/4/08 10:07 am:
(following my question about whether the sushi place would be open on the holiday)
"sure theyre japanese"

Received 7/6/08 9:34 am:
(My cousin is working for a band currently touring in Europe)
(The ellipses are all hers)
"I have had 2 hours sleep in 36 hours....unreal."

9:41 am:
"I sat on the beach for a few hours yesterday....but the schedule is tough. My stage manager had another seizure at 630 this morning....he had one last tour in California....I had to go in the ambulance to the Turkish hospital....we ran over a cat on the way....it was all very upsetting...."
I told her she could kick Sedaris' ass if she wrote a book about it.


And a bit of advice on this Sabbath:

Funniest Minute of My Day

Only because Chris is still laughing in the kitchen about this... Here is a (maybe fake) video of two of the awesomest criminals ever. Happy Wednesday. It's payday today, bitches!

Clinton 2.0

Awhile back Chris showed me a video that was so bizarre it must be parody. Alas, it was a very sincere video that the Clinton campaign had pieced together shortly after the Yes We Can video. Anyway, it was brilliant in its ineffectiveness. Then a time later I found this video that made my life complete. I thought it might be too dated to post but as this frakking primary drags on I am happy to present it.

Hot Saturday Blog

So today it's mad hot here in Portland. It's 6:30 in the evening right now and 89 degrees. Not Arizona hot, but I had fallen into a lull with 55 and showers days. Tonight Chris is having a boys gaming night here, so I'm doing my invisible wife role and camping out in the upstairs bedroom. Not any real sacrifice what with cable and DVDs and wireless internet. Jesus, I am wicked spoiled. But still, it's a bit warm.

When I was back in school and had a project to work on, I always turned on some kind of movie in the background and used it as a work timer. My frickin blogs bookmarks cup runneth way over and I need to do some spring cleaning. Tonight I am running Batman Begins as my comfort work movie. Let's see how much stuff I can shove down your throat before Gary Oldman gives the Joker card to Christian Bale. And since I can't embed it, go here to watch a bitching new trailer for The Dark Knight.


Part One: When We Talk About Things

I like PSAs. I think they are inherently pompus and hilarious in many unintentional ways. I give you three of my favorites.

#1 PSA That Makes Me Want To Do More Drugs


#2 Robocop PSA a.k.a. "Drugs. Drugs Bug Me."


#3 PSA That Isn't Afraid To Play The Race Card



Part Two: When We Talk About The Cohen Brothers

I realized recently that I hadn't seen The Big Lebowski since it came out nearly 10 years ago. I remember it being a bit over my head, not that I was naive to either Cohen Brother movies or marijuana. I wanted to love it but I just kinda liked it. It seemed like a good time to give it a retry. My instincts were correct: I loved it this time. Thinking of Netflixing it again soon. In some non-spooky coincidence we happened to see No Country For Old Men right about the same time. It seems superfluous to add my voice to the choir of praise over this movie, but fuck it was good.

I found this fun homage to the Cohen's movies. I makes me think it's time to see Barton Fink again.




Part Three: Where We Play With Our Food

Alex Blagg at Best Week Ever posted this video ages ago. It fascinates me. His description is much better than any I'm coming up with:

Food Fight is a stop-motion short film that uses a whole bunch of yummy snacks to tell the bloody story of United States military conflict since WWII. Whether we’re pickle-bombing the German brats, dropping the atomic Big Mac on Japanese tuna rolls, or Chicken Nuggeting Iraq-kabobs into a meat-and-ketchupy wasteland, one thing is for certain - you don’t mess with the U.S of McD’s. Also, 9-11 never looked so delicious.




Part Four: When I Think About How Much I Once Loved Beck

Now he freaks me out a little mostly since I know he's a Scientologist. I still love "Timebomb" every time it appears on the iPod shuffle. Some fan made a frakkin awesome unauthorized video for it. The real video: meh. Here's the killer version.




Part Five: When I Confess My Adoration For Joel McHale

Jesus Christ, Willard Scott freaks me out. He is an embodiment of what people fear about old people. Thank you to The Soup for never forgetting to set a place for him at the table.




Part Six: Where I Love Rick Rolling One More Time

Because if anyone deserves it, it's these douchebags.




Part Seven: My Heart Swells... Bring On The Aliens!

This video. Oh. I could watch this video everyday. It makes me want to marry Hubble and have little spacestation babies. Can you believe we can see this?? It blows my mind every single time.

And again, another space video with overwrought musical themes. It's like NASA could launch its own satellite radio station of spacey rock.




Part Eight: My Elderly Aspirations

Betty White = Goddess




Part Nine: The Only Bible The Godless Need

One of my favorite genius comics of all time. Brilliant. Artistically super diverse. Darkly hysterical. It makes me laugh out my ears. Perry Bible Fellowship.











Sorry I can't get them to post bigger but they are definitely worth clicking to enlarge.


Part Ten: Where Pretty Much Everywhere It's Gonna Be Hot

I can't even remember how I found this, one of my favorite videos and it's only about 10 seconds:



But if I didn't already love it enough for the golden realtor jackets and the infectious cackle, some magnificent human being made this insane remix. It appeals to that place in my brain that finds repetition to be one of the single funniest things used in comedy. You have to be patient (or maybe high) to watch this 2 minutes and 45 seconds of the same thing over and over. It does start to mutate a bit but makes me think that if I still had the gumption to take mushrooms I would likely watch this video for hours. Basically, it makes my life.




Part Eleven: Here's Me, Permanently Swearing Off Jumpsuits

This is mostly for Chris, who will appreciate it for the mutated gem it is.




Part Twelve: For My Darling Husband, May You Remember There Are Assholes Everywhere

The neverending humanity of Passive Aggressive Notes.


Part Thirteen: My Love For Bill Nighy Has No Bounds



I am about to drop a golden nugget in your life: State of Play. Rent. This. Now!
It has Jon Simm from Life On Mars! Kelly MacDonald from No Country For Old Men! Bill Nighy from the furthest reaches of my heart! David Morrissey from the new Sense and Sensibility! John Glenister (also) from Life On Mars! And James McAvoy from about 10 movies in the last two years! You know you want something good to watch. So for God's sake, put it on your Netflix queue and you can thank me profusely later.

Sadly, the preview won't embed but you can see it here.


Part Fourteen: I'm Melting. Melting!!

Okay, it is so warm in here I'm getting little woozy so blogging is coming off the menu in favorite of a cool washcloth and a juice. Here's my last little treat. Enjoy these refreshing and slightly unsettling food scuptures (and if you're hungry for more).

Unintentional Consequences of Humanity

Cities at night: unspeakably awesome. And thank you for the "inspiring" region-specific music themes.

Dead Or Alive You're Coming With Me

Ever type in random shit on YouTube just to see what will pop up? Tonight I just typed in "Robocop" looking for maybe some Clarence Boddicker gems or something and I found this bizarre video of Robocop vs. Neo. Say the what? My only quibble is that Robocop plus ED-209 plus Yoda is pretty much unbeatable, no matter what reality you're checked into.

It's An Exciting Movie

Nothing makes me giggle at the end of a 12-hour work day like Star Wars according to a 3-year-old. Do you know there are adults in their 20s and 30s who have never seen Star Wars? WTF are these people actually watching? The Bucket List? Naked Chef reruns? What?!?

A Tickety-Tack Tranny Hot Mess

I want to have Amy Poehler's babies. She is a genius. I thought this was funny when I saw it over the weekend (one of the few segments I didn't fast-forward after 30 seconds). But then when I realized that just thinking about it today was making me giggle, I had to find it again. Also, not sure it would be very funny if you haven't been watching Project Runway, but GAWD who isn't watching it these days?!?

Too Damned Tall

Did you ever see a movie with Dudley Moore called Crazy People? It's one of those forgotten hilarities of the 80s. I laughed my ass off when I found this fake commercial they made in the movie posted on You Tube with the headline "Banned Racist Sony Commercial". You can't meta this up!

Yeah, Bitch, It's Me.

Old clip of Mos Def on Bill Maher. It was completely interesting. But I can't find the clip I really wanted which was of him comparing the presidency to a party joint that the Bushes and Clintons just keep passing back and forth.

Randomness Part 20

Highly Appropriate Mugshots





Rap Represented In Mathematical Charts And Graphs




The Most Fun You Can Have With A Record Sleeve In Front Of Your Face

For The Ladies (And Effeminate Men) Only

Yes, I am mildly obsessed with Jane Austen adaptations but the freaking things are on every week! So I started dinking around on You Tube and found some of the most sickeningly sweet mash videos with lilting female vocals. Still as much as I have a hard time with the Celine-level cheese there is still enough there to make me watch it. Damn! I'm such a sucker for the happy ending.

Comic Grab Bag

All illustrated in some form but three completely separate beasts. For your consideration:

1. Garfield Minus Garfield

Bramble Mindfuck.

2. Indietits

The ultimate in dirty birds.

3.Afterworld

Watch out, it will steal your Saturday afternoon.

It Didn't Have A Number On It, Did It?

So it's hard to know who's still watching, but let those of us who never wavered in our faith to Lost be grateful for the amazing season we are in the middle of. Maybe it's because I appreciate a show that doesn't have to spell everything out for me explicitly (and yes, Heroes, I am talking to you). When people bitch that Lost never "gives any answers" I just want to scream, Yes! That's exactly the show you are watching! That's why it's fucking awesome!! I actually fear the answers. I don't want them. I want strangeness and terror and Hurley and Sawyer playing horseshoes. I want Desmond to be the next Doctor Who only it's not TV it's real and one day I can hear the TARDIS outside and oh... well, that's just a little moment for me.

So you either watch or don't. Haters to the left, as they say. Make sure you put forth the tiny extra clicking effort of watching the "Missing Pieces" which are funny and scary and just as good as anything they've actually aired. And while you're at it here's the essential Orchid orientation video that gives me the major jeebs.

Blogtastic!

Okay, last time I say blog. Here are some whatchamacalits that I have bookmarked for periodic enjoyments. Not your everyday clicks (whole other bookmark folder, yes I am slightly anal) but the ones I check in with from time to time.

Periodically Hysterical But I Don't Remember It Unless It's Bookmarked: McSweeney's Lists

A Wonderful Reminder That Fury Does Not Translate To Effective Grammatical Skills: Passive Aggressive Notes

Half Not Good With Fractions (or if Xander grew up and had a daddy blog): The Sneeze

A Nice Sartorial Reminder That Less Is More: Go Fug Yourself

Like A Comforting Blanket To Remind Me We're All Human: Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper

Necessary Reading To Stay Current With My Husband: Slashdot

Cause It's A Monday

I decided to blog some. Also blog is just a fun verb to use. Once upon a time I blogged more but there's lots of stuff in my life I used to do more. Talk on the phone. Write in a journal. Worry about the size of my nose and/or boobs and/or whatever. Take psychotropic drugs.

So today I figured no time like the Daylight Savings present to clear out the old Blogs bookmarks folder. Let commence the onslaught of random non-sequitors with this video that reminds me everytime that blogging is just a chump's game and so is life for that matter but I'm enjoying it all anyway.

Benefits Of My Job

Today I rocked out some samples in a quick manner for my work homie Tyler and he rewarded me with a link to this video. Who says there are no perks in management??

The McCain-Feingold Singles Guide to Portland

It's nice to be preparing for an election where I am not holding my breath in abject terror at any candidate's possible election. I've got yeas and nays for them all but whatev. I do appreciate McCain's willingness to act a ninny on the Conan show even as he is the presumptive Republican nominee. Congrats on showing some humor. This coupled with Huckabee's SNL appearance (amusing and self-depricating). Those Republicans have themselves some good campaign managers right now.

A Post For My Husband On Valentine's Day

Thanks to Quizlaw (my favorite law blog?) for this romantic video sure to warm Chris' heart on Contrived Romance Day.

Dirty Delicious

We just watched the Grindhouse double feature so maybe it was just really good timing. Maybe it is because far and away "Flashing Lights" is my favorite Kanye song from Graduation. But I really like this video no matter what that might reveal about me.

He's A Member Of The Gangsta Party

2 dope minutes of Snoop waxing political.

But Seriously, Pilates Is Effing Hard!

Come on baby, don't you care about your abs? Geez!

Isn't There a Mixed White-Black Guy?

So we don't know yet how this Superduper Tuesday is all gonna end. But I did just watch a grating speech by Mike Huckabee who is promising to protect the second amendment and abolish the IRS?? I'm having trouble following his insane thought process. When I decided I couldn't manage this politics shit any longer today, I found this gem on the internets. Thank the lord for porn stars. I never would have guessed they would make me feel less venomous about politics. Love the tits, girls!

Ready for Super Tuesday?

Geez, I have been one weepy bitch lately. Seriously, I think I have cried about six times in the last two days. Why? There doesn't really seem to be an answer. I'm certainly not feeling sad in any way. Stuff I'm seeing, it's just getting to me.

Like this video. Okay, John Edwards was and is my boy. Now that he's stepped aside, I've had to do some thinking. Because no matter how you slice it something's gotta change in our big picture. I know I can't do that. I can really only look out for me and mine in the close vicinity and hope that good things are going to come out of humanity's collective conciousness. I'm not even trying to break this down into a real politics thing. The more I see, the more I am convinced that party politics is straight bullshit. My co-worker (partner in digital crime) is a total Republican. We took these questionnaires online as to which politician skews closest to our beliefs and his was Mitt Romney. Fucking Mitt Romney?!? I thought he was the antichrist. Then I think that Jim and I agree on a whole lot of stuff and have major similarities in our life philosophies. So what does it mean that he lines up with Mitt Romney and I line up with Mike Gravel (shocking, yes, but apparently true according to glassbooth.org)? It means exactly dick. We are both just taxpaying citizens and Americans and humans, at that.

I already knew Barack had my vote. I heard about this will.i.am video and you could hear my skull-cracking eye roll from a block away. What a bunch of celebrity horseshit. So tonight something linked me to it and I thought, well, why not. It's still a few minutes until Smokin' Aces starts on HBO.

And then I cried like I was my mom or something. (Love ya Mom, but you are a bit of a crier) I could still do without the Scarlett Johansson and Kate Walsh bobble-heads but I found this whole thing to be very moving. That voice asking us to believe that good things are possible still if we demand them. I still don't put all my hope into the idea that this one man is going to be the Kennedy for our generation, because we all know Kennedy was just a myth, and mostly just human like us. And yet, my cynic has gone to bed early tonight folks. You might want to pack yours away before you watch this.

A Hilarious Spongebob That Never Gets Old

I think in my heart of hearts, I really only like CNN for Don Lemon. He's so harmless and mildly intelligent and warmly charming. But I still love it when Jon Stewart takes CNN to task for generally being a douche of a news network.

Funny Way To Make Your Cats Hate You

Yet another example of why cats + Japanese TV = Happy Friday!

Oh. Holy. Shit.

Okay, so maybe I'm a little simple. My wedding was put together in less than 24-hours and my cake was from Costco. But this crazy woman is the reason that I didn't want to have a real wedding. Because this kind of shit always ends up happening somehow. Thank Christ I sort-of eloped. Make sure to check out this link which is totally worth it since BWE photoshopped Tracy Morgan's face onto the bride. Please tell me you're watching 30 Rock. Seriously.

Run Shia Run!

God, I love him. I mean, lookit him go!