Freebie Five: Beard Edition!

And while we're on the subject of beards...

My favorite hot girl blogger is Lainey. She posts her ever-rotating Freebie Five and it eventually got me to mull my own over (in no particular order). Is this as much of a Rorshach test as it feels like?


Clive Owen. Baritone deliciousness. Oh, and that filthy mouth in Closer!


Mark Ruffalo. Something about the way he talks and he is good in pretty much everything.


Christopher Eccleston. Okay, this scruff photo is a bit of a cheat but still the one I liked best. Sigh.


Ryan Gosling. Never hotter in The Notebook than when he goes a little nuts and grows a beard. Holy shit.


Nathan Fillion. Oh, Captain Mal, it's too bad they cancel all your shows but I hear you're smoking in Waitress.

An Age Of Beards

When Chris shaved his beard, it was like a Day of Mourning in our house. Fuck, I love a beard. So despite the fact that Foxy's fake Lost finale beard was actually more funny than sexy, it has led to a wonderful Beardtopia. Plus, there's even a freaking Fletch shout-out! Please to enjoy.

Other Awesome Cuts

Do you ever discuss with your significant other the names for your future hypothetical children? Of course you do, everyone does, especially when it becomes clear that you WILL have children together. Chris and I can only agree on a single name: Ash. Yes, from Evil Dead. Fuck, we love some Evil Dead 2. Anyhoo... by extension we love Bruce Campbell. And what insane advertising genius knew that Bruce Campbell would make an awesome Old Spice shill? I wanna shake that dude's hand.


All the hype was about Dick in a Box but I'm telling you Barry Gibb Talk Show makes my day every single time. It almost makes me a fan of the Timberlake. Almost.


And even though we've all seen it by now, it's totally worth mentioning The Landlord. Oh, that Pearl! What a beast! (I couldn't find a photo of her but a nostalgic cowbell photo is always enjoyable).

She's Lost Control

Chris' favorite band of all time is Joy Division. While I adored New Order from the age of about 14 on, I could never really get into Joy Division. I was always listening to Ian Curtis' voice and thinking about how he killed himself and it would lend the whole thing a depressing air that I couldn't find my way past. But as it is when you share your life with another, I have kind of grown to really like Joy Division.

Anton Corbijn made a movie about Joy Division or about Ian Curtis, I can't quite tell. It's apparently got the amazing Samantha Morton in it, which makes it instantly watchable. The thing with this clip is that it totally freaks me out because that guy is like Ian Curtis rose from the freaking grave. Like a movie about Joy Division wouldn't already have enough darkness and creep to begin with. Still, I'm sure I'll end up seeing it no matter what.

Better Late Than Never

First off, I am no fan of Billy Bob Thornton. I find him to be exceedingly creepy and as a rule I don't really try to see his movies. Just my own little hangup. Yet, once again thanks to the power of a bulging cable package, I managed to catch one of his movies by accident.

How come no one told me how wickedly funny the Bad News Bears is?? That shit made me laugh so hard I thought I might burst a blood vessel. That blond kid? So so so hilarious. I don't know if it's one of those movies you can recommend to a lot of people but my god, if you haven't seen this movie yet, you might be retarded.

Phil Spector Is Fucked

Every time I read about his trial I laugh my freaking ass off. That guy is so screwed. He confessed to witnesses! They are allowing many, many women to testify about him threatening them with guns! The chauffeur made the jury laugh with his impersonation of Spector! The fun never ends!!

I am not made of stone. That woman who was killed totally deserves justice. But am I the only one who worries a little that despite all of this he still might walk? SoCal justice for the rich and white is a very strange thing. Still, I think he'd better get ready to get shivved.

I Have No One To Discuss This With

Right now we have Showtime which is not something I would be willing to pay for but Comcast gave us a month free to apologize for being major idiots. I can never retrace how these kinds of things happen but one night recently I watched the second half of an episode of a show that I never meant to watch. I think it was my lasting love for Julie Benz (all those Angel episodes really imprinted her on my psyche) that made me watch but who knows.

Dexter is one of the weirdest things on TV. I wish I had been a fly on the wall at that show pitch. "Um, yeah, it's a show about a serial killer who only murders other serial killers". Oh, and did I mention that Chris HATES stuff about serial killers? Yeah, I watched this by myself.

So I watched the half ep. It was wicked good. And thanks to the On Demand feature (which I worship, praise Jebus) I went back and watched the first two episodes. Then this weekend, I watched the rest. Yes, I sat at home on a beautiful three-day holiday weekend and watched an entire season of a show about a killer. It was awesome but... now I have no one to discuss it with! The finale was so great and all these things tied back into the whole season. At least with the Lost finale I can talk to pretty much anyone I know about it (an OMIGOD how totally mindblowing was that, by the way?) but I must ponder the wonderful creepiness that is Dexter all by my lonesome. Um, if you have Showtime or when it comes out on DVD, please watch it. I must share this with someone!

Rudy! Theo!

I do love me some Bill Cosby. I mean, most people in my age demo grew up watching The Cosby Show so there's a real sentimentality attached to the man. As he gets older, he's really turning into a cantankerous hag but whatev. I guess old people get a free pass to act like assholes or something.

So someone made a cartoon called House of Cosbys wherein a guy makes a cloning machine and produces a bunch of Cosby clones for himself. It's way weirder than it sounds. Of course, cantankerous old man filed a cease and desist so the whole thing stopped but not before four very surreal and hilarious episodes were finished. So click here for all four on YouTube and when you're done watch this weird permutation that they did after the lawsuit which isn't as good but still next-level bizarre.

I Hate Plastic Bags

Okay, the photo does not do it justice. What we have represented here is 60,000 plastic bags, equal to the number used in the US every FIVE SECONDS. It makes me totally ill.

I am a fantastic consumer. Man, I sure take it on as my personal duty to keep the economy rolling with my fair share of shopping and consumption. Nonetheless, I am totally disgusted by the amount of waste we have in this country. I realize that it's completely hypocritical but a conundrum I am willing to face nonetheless.

Here's where I start: No more plastic bags. I refuse. I either bring another shopping bag or I am forced to figure out a way to jam all my purchases down into my purse. Cashiers mostly don't like or don't understand but I could give a rat's ass. When I say no bag, I freakin' mean it!

So the artist who made this photo made a bunch of others commenting on our consumption as a nation. It makes me dizzy every time I go to the website but it also makes me keep that thought at the front of my mind. They are awesome. Check them out.

Sorry About The Blog Silence

So sometimes my mind gets all serious and contemplative. I start thinking about, you know, real stuff. It makes blogging about pop culture sort of hard. I feel ridiculous every time I try to do it. I guess that's what has been going on the last two weeks. It doesn't mean I'm not still reading all the crazy junk on the internets and watching my ridiculously huge TV, it just means I went into blog silence. Today I am going to clean out the blog bookmarks folder. Ready? Here we go.

Rich White Bitchslap

Sometimes two spoiled, disgusting tornadoes run into each other and the effect is so awe-inspiring that I just have to share it with the people that I love. Enjoy!

And In Case You Were Feeling A Little Melancholy

I forgot all about this great video from Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip "Thou Shalt Always Kill" that I saw a couple weeks ago. I'm sure you'll have your own favorite little couplets. A couple of mine:

Thou Shalt Not judge a book by its cover/Thou Shalt Not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover
Thou Shalt Not not liking a band just because they become popular/Thou Shalt Not question Stephen Fry

Elliott Smith's New Moon

Elliott Smith is a very big subject for me. It goes back to 1993 and Heatmiser shows for five bucks at La Luna. And later, when I was about to graduate from high school and this quiet little record called Roman Candle comes out and wallpapers my life. I really think that my love of Elliott Smith runs so deep and is so closely tied to my love of Portland that sometimes I wonder if I can tell the two apart.

After he left Portland, I never loved his LA records. They sounded, I don't know, hollow somehow. It was still him there but like a ghost of him. I would always listen to Figure 8 or From A Basement and try to think hard back to one particular time I saw him live. That magical show at The X-Ray Cafe when I brought my first love who had just broken my heart. Maybe 50 people there, tops, and all siting on the floor, cross-legged. It was like being with our Dalai Lama; we worshipped. He was so quiet and gentle and insanely talented and we just sent love in waves and waves. People left that show dazed.

Today I was having a blue day and I saw the new Elliott record up on iTunes. Lots of old stuff, b-sides and demos, etc. And there it was: Magical Elliott. I could hear that day when he played "Clementine" when I asked and remember what it's like when the music that makes you sad is also the music that has made you the happiest ever.

Plus, the cover art is great.

Happy Weng Weng Day!

Hello. Meet Weng Weng. He is a sort-of Asian Midget James Bond. Sounds impossible, yes. However, this incontrovertable truth is brought to you with rhymes and a kickass backbeat. Happy Tuesday, folks.

Yummy Morsels For All You Stoners Out There

I just watched something so disturbing and wonderful over on YouTube. Some techno geniuses (and major pot smokers, I must surmise) have superimposed the faces of Muppets over the actors faces for the complete Pulp Fiction trailer.

Pulp Muppets. Well, it got me thinking. Do you think they could superimpose Beaker's face over Bruce Willis' for the new Die Hard movie? The movie looks alright but man, is Bruce looking bored. At least that tired old "yipee kay ay" line might sound fresh comin' outta Beaker's mouth.

Bookmarks

Today, kids, we are going to explore the exciting world of bookmarks. Not the rad cardboard ones you used to have (back when you read real books and the internet was just a gleam in Al Gore's eye) but the newfangled ones that let you go back to the same place on the internet that you went before! Ain't technology grand?

I have been bookmarking funny stuff for a couple weeks and now I lay out a tasty sampler for your enjoyment.


1. Clive Owen Speaks
A random iTunes search yielded something totally frickin bizarre. First off, who knew Clive Owen even has a podcast? Quick link over to the website and... woah. Really, this is like fifth-level genius. I truly have no idea if this is him or someone punking and honestly: That is the best part. (That or "My Chest!")

2. Peeps!
Okay, so Peeps are totally disgusting to eat. Once I watched a show on Food Network on how they are made and that was totally fascinating but I hope to avoid eating them at pretty much any cost. Once every five years, maybe. But I digress. The Washington Post ran an inspired contest using Peeps and it turned out to pretty much kick ass. Plus, anytime you can get a group of people to make dioramas, I am so there!

3. Bitchin' videos by Feist and The Shins
I loved Feist when I saw her with Kings of Convenience a couple years back but I felt like her album was way over-produced after seeing how good she was low-fi. Then I watched this video and fell in love with Feist again. Good to be back. Also included is the video for The Shins "Australia". My love for The Shins runs deep, only encouraged by the fact that they are now a Portland band.

4. Christopher Eccleston Fans Only
As with The Shins, my love for Christoper Eccleston runs deep. He also tops my own personal "Freebie Five" (don't tell the boyfriend) in spite of the fact that he's sort of odd looking. He is in a video for a band called Kloot and the song's okay but the video is... well, okay, the video is uncomfortable. It is a slow zoom in on only his face for the duration but I'm telling you, those last 30 seconds are totally worth waiting for. Makes my day every single time. Sigh.

5. Can't Wait for July
A new movie and the final book?!? Can my heart stand it? I still get a little choked up when I think about Dumbledore. Don't get me started. The trailer for the movie got my heart racing faster than 20 minutes on the elliptical.

6. Funny Song About Zach Braff
I mean, c'mon, we all know Scrubs is genius.