It's about goddamn time.

RAD TIMES!

I can't believe it's been a year since I last checked in, y'all!

Seriously, if you know me then you know my shit, and know that I've had serious family trials. When my mom got sick last year, I went into control mode. I just tried to help her and my pop as they both went through chemo and sickness at the same time. Then it was clear Mom was just gonna do a quick slide down to the finale, I was doing my best to stay sane and rested. Then my sweet Mama died, and the fucking holidays came right after and funerals and Dad's heart procedure, blah blah blah.

So, this is why I went on blog sabbatical. I made this to be a fun dumping ground for all the zany stuff I was digging and wanted a few other people to key into. I never intended to make Journal Entries. So when life got dark and sad, I was not thinking about the best way to share some shit, youknowwhatImsayin?

Now the weather is brightening up a little (sadly, the most I can hope for in springtime Portland) and I'm ready to start the party up again right. Maybe I can entice my four Twitter followers to join the action on this side of the Internets as well.

And on that note, let's share some Rad Times:

Puzzling Evidence

I can't believe I never saw True Stories before now. It is beyond brilliant and I can't understand why this isn't a bigger classic. So many quotable lines, bizarre non sequiturs, awesome music and Swoozie Kurtz! Every time she was on screen I laughed until I had to put my face in a pillow.

I would totally go to this church and I hate religion for the most part but this is speaking to me.

Rent. This. NOW!!!

CNBC Is Really Taking It Up The Ass

But seriously, they are.

Okay, first we watched this Frontline episode all about the economic meltdown that was a fucking horror show to witness. I'm trying to look past PBS trying to paint a sad picture of Henry Paulson, because I'm fairly sure that hawk is off sipping margaritas by now. Enjoy your personal billions, Hank. No, what really blew my mind about the show was how you can see how much power a rumor can have on Wall Street, especially if it's being shouted about on CNBC. Fox News: Right Wing Republicans as CNBC: Wall Street, savvy?

Side note: Is it weird that I'm attracted to Paul Krugman? What does that say about me?


Then, Jon Stewart ripped CNBC a new one last week when Rick Santelli cancelled on The Daily Show. I saw this Santelli clip when it happened, him shouting about Socialism and bailouts. I felt like punching him in the nads. Then Stewart did. Christ, I will even forgive Stewart's Death to Smoochy haircut for this eight and a half minutes of joy.


Erin Burnett fared a little better with Bill Maher a couple of days later, but this argument about "soaking the rich" is starting to wear a little thin. I may mostly be coming back to this clip because Cory Booker is the shit. Seriously. He's boss.


Look, I'm the first to admit that Economists and Weathermen are basically interchangable as educated guessers. I don't think talking heads are prognosticators. I don't expect Mad Money to be my primary source of financial advice (I actually can't even watch it and I usually like shouting). But it is interesting to examine the culpability of a NEWS NETWORK in a financial crisis when they are not just reporting news but shaping it. Bear Stearns went down on a fucking rumor. I could hire twenty great actors and put them in suits and have them stand down on the street outside of the CNBC offices where all the smokers gather together and just start a crazy rumor with people talking on cell phones and speaking in confidential tones. It. Could. Happen.

So anyway, I get all pissy about this kind of thing all the time. So, then I watch this video again and all is right with the world.

REKLAM SPEAK TO V-GER

I was waiting around for last week's Lost episode to rerun (I can't resist the pop-up-video effect of it). I saw a promo for Jeopardy sandwiched into the end of Wheel of Fortune that was bizarre enough to make me go hunting on You Tube to see if they've made any more in this series (Upcoming Categories!!)

Then I found this delightfully soothing promo for Bulgarian Jeopardy! (I feel somehow obligated to include an exclamation point)

And kudos to the tangental skiier at the end of the video. I like my mind touched by randomness, thank you.

The Lost Smoke Monster

I am so in love with Lost right now. This shit is hilarious.

Kittens Inspired by David After Dentist

Sometimes I'm just so grateful that the internet exists. This video would never be in my life otherwise. The internet just comments on itself and folds over into a squashy burrito.

Back to Work Haiku

Once again internets
answer the riddles of our time.
Viva Enterprise?

The Fever's About to Pass

The election's almost done and then maybe I can get back to concentrating on my other internet distractions. Like here.

Little double video clip for Saturday. This weekend's star: Kate Winslet. I love her manically right up there with Rachel Weisz so I got suitably interested after seeing this trailer for her upcoming movie with Ralph Feinnes, The Reader.



Then I remembered how fantastically blue she was on Extras and found this clip. Jump to 3:05 for relevance.



See you crazy kids on the other side of 11/4. No matter how this bitch hammers out, chances of tears on my face about 100%.

My Hero Of The Day

This reporter stares down this pedophile with a conviction I wish I could replicate whenever I see those assholes with aborted fetus photos outside Planned Parenthood. So this is Lesson #1 in How To Win A Staring Contest With A Pedophile Wack-A-Doodle.

So Is He Just Emo or Something?

It's been bugging me for far too long and I'm just gonna say it: Nestor Carbonell needs to lay off the fucking eyeliner. Every time I'm watching him on Lost I want so much to pay as close attention as I can, because we all know that Richard Alpert holds some important keys as to what the fuck is going on? But I can't because I'm just thinking about his guyliner. Look, I know he's dark haired and skinned but that shit is very, very wrong.

Then I see Dark Knight in IMAX for Jebus' sake and it was like the eyeliner was bucking with Heath for Best Supporting Makeup. It's got me wondering whether he's surreptitiously sponsored by a makeup giant. Behold: my Monday masterpiece.

Quit Owning My Heart

Fair statement: Gary Oldman may have been the sexiest man in The Dark Knight.


Exhibit B:


That is all.

Oh Wait, This Is What Happened...

I was looking for Harold Ramis clips on You Tube. Lately Chris has been looking less like Jimmy Fallon and more like Egon Spengler. I kinda like it and I'm generally pro-Ramis but it makes me think about Ghostbusters all the time. So I'd been planning some kind of re=watch because it's one of those things that I gotta see every few years (also: Fletch, Superman, Die Hard at Christmas). Then I watched this trailer and now I feel sated because in 2:12 they manage to hit every major plot point right up to the finale. Score! Maybe I don't have to make it to Flicks on the Bricks after all! I kid. We all know that Annie Potts is the real reason for a re=watch. We got one!!

Know What Useless Piece of Info I Picked Up Today?

The same man who scores for Lost, Michael Giacchino


also did the soundtrack for Ratatouille.


That seemed a little unexpected to me. Granted, I've never seen Ratatouille. I'm sure it's totally fucking adorable. I'm saving all my kid movie patience for when I have a kid. I'm saving up folks! No, I have not seen Wall-E! Plenty of time for that. I've only seen Dark Knight twice so far. They're called priorities, people. Wait, what was I talking about? It's late(-ish, okay it's only 9:45 but) and I'm getting myself confused.

Did I just watch Ghostbusters earlier?

The bottom line is (BLI) that soundtracks totally fucking matter. I am convinced that many of the movies and shows I love are directly affected by the quality of their music. I get shivers from Gaius Baltar and Saul Tigh's themes on Battlestar Galactica. I once worshipped Danny Elfman (yes, it was 1989, please do the age math, I was TWELVE). Note to self: do not mess up when presented with the chance to choose a good score for my life story. In my head.

Oh! And for good measure...

Our Wedding Day: A Photo Essay In 2 Parts

Chris and I are not what you might call traditional. We got married in a kind of unusual way but going through some old photos on my computer, I was reminded how unconventional we must appear sometimes.

Photo 1:
This is Chris on our wedding day. He is wearing a home-made costume for a school final (relating to Gods somehow? This is sort of muddy to me now...) It was August, hence the perspiring. His final was in the evening, after which he rushed home, changed, went to pick up the minister and meet me for our 10 pm wedding.


Photo 2:
The next time I saw him, I was wearing a white dress. Now we share the same last name. Funny how these things happen. Yes, I look possessed here. Unfortunately exuberant joy does not photograph well on me.

Sunday Bits

Cleaning out my old text messages from my phone this morning. Some of my favorites:

Received 6/6/08 5:42 pm:
"What movie was that where she was talking about the babies staring at her?? Anyway I want a baby so bad i feel like they are all staring at me!"

*Side note: After she sent me this, I started noticing the same thing. Babies stare at me. I am not the only one who has noticed. I mean, do women in their 30s give off some kind of maternal pheromone? It is a little freaky.

Received 6/8/08 8:43 am:
(My sister has been getting an increasingly ridiculous series of letters from the DMV)
"Oh this one is great! I need to prove future financial responsibility by getting insurance for the next three years even if I don't have a car. Way to prove future financial responsibility by STEALING MY MONEY!"

Received 7/1/08 9:49 am:
"I know and not to be a bitch but what does that have to do with me tonight?" (followed by smiley face emoticon)

Received 7/4/08 10:07 am:
(following my question about whether the sushi place would be open on the holiday)
"sure theyre japanese"

Received 7/6/08 9:34 am:
(My cousin is working for a band currently touring in Europe)
(The ellipses are all hers)
"I have had 2 hours sleep in 36 hours....unreal."

9:41 am:
"I sat on the beach for a few hours yesterday....but the schedule is tough. My stage manager had another seizure at 630 this morning....he had one last tour in California....I had to go in the ambulance to the Turkish hospital....we ran over a cat on the way....it was all very upsetting...."
I told her she could kick Sedaris' ass if she wrote a book about it.


And a bit of advice on this Sabbath:

Funniest Minute of My Day

Only because Chris is still laughing in the kitchen about this... Here is a (maybe fake) video of two of the awesomest criminals ever. Happy Wednesday. It's payday today, bitches!

Clinton 2.0

Awhile back Chris showed me a video that was so bizarre it must be parody. Alas, it was a very sincere video that the Clinton campaign had pieced together shortly after the Yes We Can video. Anyway, it was brilliant in its ineffectiveness. Then a time later I found this video that made my life complete. I thought it might be too dated to post but as this frakking primary drags on I am happy to present it.

Hot Saturday Blog

So today it's mad hot here in Portland. It's 6:30 in the evening right now and 89 degrees. Not Arizona hot, but I had fallen into a lull with 55 and showers days. Tonight Chris is having a boys gaming night here, so I'm doing my invisible wife role and camping out in the upstairs bedroom. Not any real sacrifice what with cable and DVDs and wireless internet. Jesus, I am wicked spoiled. But still, it's a bit warm.

When I was back in school and had a project to work on, I always turned on some kind of movie in the background and used it as a work timer. My frickin blogs bookmarks cup runneth way over and I need to do some spring cleaning. Tonight I am running Batman Begins as my comfort work movie. Let's see how much stuff I can shove down your throat before Gary Oldman gives the Joker card to Christian Bale. And since I can't embed it, go here to watch a bitching new trailer for The Dark Knight.


Part One: When We Talk About Things

I like PSAs. I think they are inherently pompus and hilarious in many unintentional ways. I give you three of my favorites.

#1 PSA That Makes Me Want To Do More Drugs


#2 Robocop PSA a.k.a. "Drugs. Drugs Bug Me."


#3 PSA That Isn't Afraid To Play The Race Card



Part Two: When We Talk About The Cohen Brothers

I realized recently that I hadn't seen The Big Lebowski since it came out nearly 10 years ago. I remember it being a bit over my head, not that I was naive to either Cohen Brother movies or marijuana. I wanted to love it but I just kinda liked it. It seemed like a good time to give it a retry. My instincts were correct: I loved it this time. Thinking of Netflixing it again soon. In some non-spooky coincidence we happened to see No Country For Old Men right about the same time. It seems superfluous to add my voice to the choir of praise over this movie, but fuck it was good.

I found this fun homage to the Cohen's movies. I makes me think it's time to see Barton Fink again.




Part Three: Where We Play With Our Food

Alex Blagg at Best Week Ever posted this video ages ago. It fascinates me. His description is much better than any I'm coming up with:

Food Fight is a stop-motion short film that uses a whole bunch of yummy snacks to tell the bloody story of United States military conflict since WWII. Whether we’re pickle-bombing the German brats, dropping the atomic Big Mac on Japanese tuna rolls, or Chicken Nuggeting Iraq-kabobs into a meat-and-ketchupy wasteland, one thing is for certain - you don’t mess with the U.S of McD’s. Also, 9-11 never looked so delicious.




Part Four: When I Think About How Much I Once Loved Beck

Now he freaks me out a little mostly since I know he's a Scientologist. I still love "Timebomb" every time it appears on the iPod shuffle. Some fan made a frakkin awesome unauthorized video for it. The real video: meh. Here's the killer version.




Part Five: When I Confess My Adoration For Joel McHale

Jesus Christ, Willard Scott freaks me out. He is an embodiment of what people fear about old people. Thank you to The Soup for never forgetting to set a place for him at the table.




Part Six: Where I Love Rick Rolling One More Time

Because if anyone deserves it, it's these douchebags.




Part Seven: My Heart Swells... Bring On The Aliens!

This video. Oh. I could watch this video everyday. It makes me want to marry Hubble and have little spacestation babies. Can you believe we can see this?? It blows my mind every single time.

And again, another space video with overwrought musical themes. It's like NASA could launch its own satellite radio station of spacey rock.




Part Eight: My Elderly Aspirations

Betty White = Goddess




Part Nine: The Only Bible The Godless Need

One of my favorite genius comics of all time. Brilliant. Artistically super diverse. Darkly hysterical. It makes me laugh out my ears. Perry Bible Fellowship.











Sorry I can't get them to post bigger but they are definitely worth clicking to enlarge.


Part Ten: Where Pretty Much Everywhere It's Gonna Be Hot

I can't even remember how I found this, one of my favorite videos and it's only about 10 seconds:



But if I didn't already love it enough for the golden realtor jackets and the infectious cackle, some magnificent human being made this insane remix. It appeals to that place in my brain that finds repetition to be one of the single funniest things used in comedy. You have to be patient (or maybe high) to watch this 2 minutes and 45 seconds of the same thing over and over. It does start to mutate a bit but makes me think that if I still had the gumption to take mushrooms I would likely watch this video for hours. Basically, it makes my life.




Part Eleven: Here's Me, Permanently Swearing Off Jumpsuits

This is mostly for Chris, who will appreciate it for the mutated gem it is.




Part Twelve: For My Darling Husband, May You Remember There Are Assholes Everywhere

The neverending humanity of Passive Aggressive Notes.


Part Thirteen: My Love For Bill Nighy Has No Bounds



I am about to drop a golden nugget in your life: State of Play. Rent. This. Now!
It has Jon Simm from Life On Mars! Kelly MacDonald from No Country For Old Men! Bill Nighy from the furthest reaches of my heart! David Morrissey from the new Sense and Sensibility! John Glenister (also) from Life On Mars! And James McAvoy from about 10 movies in the last two years! You know you want something good to watch. So for God's sake, put it on your Netflix queue and you can thank me profusely later.

Sadly, the preview won't embed but you can see it here.


Part Fourteen: I'm Melting. Melting!!

Okay, it is so warm in here I'm getting little woozy so blogging is coming off the menu in favorite of a cool washcloth and a juice. Here's my last little treat. Enjoy these refreshing and slightly unsettling food scuptures (and if you're hungry for more).

Unintentional Consequences of Humanity

Cities at night: unspeakably awesome. And thank you for the "inspiring" region-specific music themes.